Christmas Under A Bridge

Co-Founders with Santa 2015

I think I have mostly recovered from Thursday. If you told me a few years back that I would be trying to figure out how to best celebrate under a bridge in Tulsa, I would have called you nuts! However, that was then and my life has changed drastically since then- and I like that part a lot! Thursday ended up being quite an undertaking between our Christmas Night Light and putting on the party of Isaacs class. I am his homeroom mom and the party got moved to up a day. Just last week my dear friends Anisa, Kristen, and I were laughing about Jen Hatmakers "off the beam"/ "on the beam" life theory (which I love). I can tell you that even though my beam has been really full the last two weeks, and especially Thursday, there is not a thing that I would push off of it.

For the last several days, I have been in a fog trying to figure out exactly what I would want to share about this years Christmas under the bridge. First of all, I have to say that sometimes... ok, probably more than sometimes, my amazing friend and co-founder Anisa and I, get BIG ideas.
The ideas are always with the fore-thought of how we can make others feel loved and covered in dignity and how we can mobilize others to be part of this process. I pray that one day others will know me as someone genuine who took extra steps in loving people radically, mobilizing kindness, and doing it because that is the example that was set for me and given to me.  In thinking and preparing for Christmas under the bridge, we recognized that many of those we spend our Thursdays with do not have relationships that allow them to go home. Some do not have a family and others do not have the means to provide a Christmas for the family they do have. The holidays can bring a lot of saddness and loss to anyone... especially to those who have suffered relationship loss due to addiction and mental illness. Many of our other friends feel an overwhelming grief that they can't provide gifts for their kids, grandkids, and loved ones. So, this is where we began...

The entire event felt wrapped in love. We seemed to always have moments during the last week of preparation. Half of the time it comes across as laughter and comments of "what have we done" and the other half is pure joy because we get the privilege of a front row seat watching people extend themselves on behalf of someone else. This time was no different. I am a planner (big shocker, I know) and sometimes when something doesn't come off like it is suppose to it is easy for me to panic. I hate it in the moment; and I am getting better, but afterwards, oh afterwards... that is the beauty.  I love being able to look back and see His plan and how it was better than ours. The company that has provided kids gifts for the past two years had a change in staff. Two weeks ago we were notified that they would not be able to provide the gifts for us. TWO WEEKS! We needed 100 gifts for toddler through teenager. Considering our best most organizable options (because I only enjoy organized chaos) we decided to ask our supporters for groups to handle this task. What could've been a nightmare - believe me, I thought of all the possibilities - turned out to be an amazing blessing. We ended up with 6 individuals/groups that took this on full of love, compassion, and desire to provide the best!  At every angle, things began being taken care of. On Thursday morning, our amazing friends, Kim, Erin, and Kelly took off work and showed up to help organize and load an INSANE amount of items. Our sweet Summer intern who was home for her Christmas break also showed up to help with this process. When I talk about sorting and loading, it is hard to paint a picture. This doesn't happen in some warm office space. We aren't in a neatly organized warehouse (yet). This is a process of pulling everything out of a two car garage (that we are thankful for) and working in 30 something degree weather. This is digging to find that one item that is perfect for this week, but of course, it is stored in the bottom tub of four. This is your hands and toes being so cold and warm up would mean sitting in the car. This is you needing to go to the bathroom but that involves driving to one. It is not a process for the undevoted! These ladies are truly the reason everything was organized and made it to the bridge last week. There was no way that Anisa and I could've completed all of that. Later in the day, these wonderful women, along with a handful of amazing Cook Team members, showed up at the kitchen and prepared 400 turkey legs! People who do so much behind the scenes and never ask for recognition or thanks - these people bless me over and over. There will never be a way to repay them. They leave as quietly as they come in, but nothing is ever the same once they have covered it with their love.

 

Sorting for Christmas Night Light

As we got to the bridge, the light snow was letting up and guest were beginning to form lines. Volunteers poured in - and then more volunteers. We had way more then we expected - always a welcomed sight - especially when it is cold. We did our basic set up, orientation, and began serving. I love watching the excitement and cohesiveness as serving begins. There are all of these people- each one of them completely different. The majority not knowing many other people under the bridge. Each with their own issues, stories, and lives. So many of them a million times different than our friends under the bridge. Everyone comes together, volunteer and guest, and somehow this magical thing happens under the bridge.

A beautiful choir was singing carols as our guest waited in line for their turkey legs. Many in line were singing along with them. A violinist lightly played on the other side of the bridge near a station where guest could make stockings. Volunteers with beautiful Christmas baskets full of candy canes were walking around handing them out. All of the stations were busy providing relief. But more importantly, stepping out of their comfort zone and providing a smile, an encouragement, and building a relationship.

Christ the King Choir

My favorite place under the bridge at Christmastime is Santa's area. Kids were lined up and excited. They anxiously awaited time with Santa and what gift they would receive. From shocked boys who got a skateboard, to Nerf guns, balls, games, and Frozen dolls... the overwhelmed joy was the same. I think my most favorite this year was watching the older teen girls. One of our donors went to Sephora and Victoria's Secret and had them put nice packages together with body spray, makeup, and fingernail polishes. These young women would never have the opportunity to get gifts like these. They were so excited. I kept hearing them discussing it with each other all throughout the bridge. Santa did an amazing job as well. He told me that he said to one kid "you've sure grown" and the kid responded, "you remember me?" He said, "of course, you came and saw me last year. It was very cold". I love that he has spent the last 3 years covering those kids in love. It isn't ever just a "here's your gift". He takes time with them. I love that one of our adult guests now spends his Thursdays as a volunteer. On this special Thursday, he spent his time helping hand out gifts and ended the night with a special picture of Santa sitting on his lap. I seriously love Dave so much! He is a mess and I am thankful he is in our lives. I love that the donors really thought about what they were getting and WHO would be receiving it. I know several of the donors stretched themselves financially and it just overwhelms my heart that there are truly good people out there that still place others ahead of themselves. I couldn't stay at this area for too long for fear of a flood of  tears. I did see the same sweet girl as in years past holding her present back... not opening it so she would have one to open on Christmas. Oh, these sweet children. They are my whole heart under that bridge.

Kids visiting with Santa

Santa sitting on Dave's lap

On top of all of that beautiful love we were able to provide more than enough food for everyone to be full. Some families were able to take leftovers back to their homes. We were able to hand out around 75 gifts, a few went to grandmas and grandpas that couldn't afford anything for their grandchildren (this brought them such joy). The rest of the extra gifts were donated to a great organization, James Mission, that works with foster kids and families. We gave out 90 blanket, 58 of those were warm sleeping bags. This was a much appreciated gift with the low that nigh in the 20's. We provided hats, gloves, coats, and warm clothes, socks and shoes, books, essential items, warming kits, and prayer. Most importantly relationships were made and both guest and volunteers left the bridge knowing that they matter, they are important, and they are cared about. All of this got pulled off because there are some really amazing people out there! It is easy to get dragged down into the bad of the world but guys, there is still so much good.

58 Sleeping bags donated!

I am not sure when Gods words to "love one another", "give yourself on behalf of the hungry", "bear each others burdens", "be generous"... and the like struck me to my core and changed me but I am thankful they did. And I am thankful that He placed people along this path with me that makes it easier more days than not.

...and I am thankful one of these people is my amazing son. He is amazing to watch each week.

Merry Christmas.

Embracing My Backyard

If ever I do write my book this will be in one of my chapters. My poor family will be my captive (and likely only) audience! I am ok with that!

Last Thursday I spent around 45 minutes under the bridge in an unexpected conversation with a prominent business owner. It wasn't a conversation that I enjoyed at all. In fact, it has pretty much bothered me from the moment it started that evening all the way up until... oh, yesterday. When I say "bothered" I mean it rattled me, broke my heart, challenged me, and made me soul search all week. It hasn't been a process that I have loved but none-the-less, sometimes a good evaluation is needed and necessary.

I had no idea what to expect from this gentleman as it was a quick "he's here to talk"/ "she's one of the co-founders" type of introductions. He showed up as we were ending orientation and starting to serve. This is the busiest part of the night for all of our team. His body language should have given him away. His tension and discomfort radiated but it wasn't a comfort zone he was looking to change. He quickly threw his cards on the table (which I can appreciate and thankfully I had taken a dose of "Be calm, Be kind" as I saw things unfolding). Of course, he maintained some political correctness to not put me on the defense... he didn't flat out say Night Light was his issue. It was something more along the lines of  "I am here to learn why this is a growing problem in our city and what I can do to get rid of the problem." By "get rid of the problem" he was referring to what I call people, as he pointed to the line in which people were waiting for food and clothing. He was also quick to share that he and others are purchasing land and bulldozing areas and houses. When I spoke of the families living in these homes and the fact that they would be displaced he had no input. When we talked of lack of mental health, room in shelters, and affordable housing he had no comment and wasn't interested. He basically wants the problem moved away from his neighborhood. AKA... Not in my backyard. Then we got to the real issue,"those people".  I took this to mean exactly what he meant. Those not like himself or any of his friends. He was frustrated that we were serving anyone.. housed or homeless, from that neighborhood or from another. He was frustrated that he had to look at or deal with "these people" day in and day out.... even though he put his place of work in a low income community near 3 shelters and a jail, in a neighborhood that was way worse before we rolled up.

Friends, this grips my heart and soul. First, I physically hurt for anyone that can spend 40+ minutes under that bridge and not find anything to connect with or be challenged by. I have replayed that conversation over and over. Even as I stood in that moment with him I knew arguing would do nothing. Until he is willing to take the wall down and have a conversation that is open to a relationship, with someone unlike himself, nothing will change. Nothing. Secondly, Jason and I both could palpate the inner battle he was having. Multiple times he stated, "I sound like a jerk", or "I am coming off like a jerk". I don't doubt for a single second that those feelings are not being stirred by something much bigger and more powerful. However, this man is not standing alone on some other planet. Recently someone from Tulsa wrote a comment on a news site that talked about "feeding the wild animals", another person wrote something to the effect of "feedings are a way that "Christians" get their warm fuzzy/ I feel good about myself feelings- they aren't really about helping." Whooo, I don't know about you but that last one... it has a bit of a sting to it.

The whirlwind months of May through September brought lots of reflection and evaluation. Deciding whether to walk away or stay committed, to stand or fold, to be known (for good or bad) or to shrink away- those were tough months. But here we are, and if we continue mobilizing and encouraging people to value each other and provide relief, then we will likely continue to encounter those on the other side of that. I don't want to give a cheap answer. I don't want anyone to confuse me for the "Christian" who does stuff so that I will feel good about myself. I am not the goal! This demands that I assess and be honest. Are we really helping the way that the community needs? Are we loving and relational, the way Christ asked us to be? What do those I have spent the last 2 years with say? What else needs to be done? What should be changed? I recently read Jen Hatmaker's (you know she's a fav) "For the Love". She has a complete chapter on Poverty Tourism. I have read it like a billion times. She talks about entering into another's culture/community in a humble way, ready to listen and learn and committed to the relationship. She also said this:

"Anytime the rich and poor combine, we should listen to whoever has the least power. Rich people are conditioned to assess the world through our privileges. The powerful tend to discredit or ignore the marginalized perspective because we can. We are shielded from the effects of a lopsided equation; we reap the benefits not the losses. We don't mean to do this (or even know we do), but we evaluate other communities through the lens of advantage assuming we know best and have the most to offer. In doing so we unintentionally elevate our perception." ..."Remember the poor are capable, smart, actual people, and treat them with the respect they deserve. Battle every patronizing, pitying thought that robs them of humanity." Seriously- go buy the book! It's such an easy read and this chapter is fantastic! The point is to listen, learn, and commit."

After reading, searching, praying, and some serious self reflection, the heavy has lifted. God has lovingly heaped some pretty big blessings on top this week- because that is what he tends to do! So often I allow myself to feel small. Unable to make a difference- Unable to say the right thing to a "prominent business man" under the bridge. It's rubbish! Just not true. .. yes, I used the word rubbish, lol. For the one business guy that came forward wanting to shove people in need out of his back yard.. we have had 3 other business' come forward to help. When I look at the people... I am blessed with relationship after relationship. I have met some of the most amazing people who will give an honest account for what helps and what doesn't. What the needs are and what they aren't. ... And then today the following email from a special education teacher came:

"One of my students and her family attended your event last night.  She was so excited when she came to school to tell us all about her new clothes, new haircut and her dinner.  She is typically very quiet and does not ever have anything exciting to discuss.  Today was very different.  She has smiled all day and tells everyone about her evening!  This is a family that really benefited from the services you offer.  I don't know how they heard about it but am so glad they did!  Thank you for all you do and the lives you are impacting!"

If ever there was a moment that I wanted to call every donor, volunteer,  haircutter, server, ALL of them... this would be it! If ever I was frustrated sorting hours and mountains of donations... this erased it. This is why it is important. This is why I embrace this part of my backyard... Tulsa. Define your backyard, listen, learn, and be used!

God is so good to us.

(Deep Breath)... God is so good to us.
I wish you could feel the weight lifted from my shoulders. Why I put it there I do not know. My heart and my mind KNOW that He always has me... but still, I AM the stubborn girl that He designed.

Anyone reading this likely knows that last night our permit application for Night Light Tulsa was approved. What many don't know is that we have been battling this process for nearly four months now. We knew it would come to something big, we could feel it. The pressure, the frustrations, the tension, the waiting. The waiting...... uhhh... I'm terrible at waiting.

But oh, the other things that came with all of this. (I am not saying I am ready to go through anything like this anytime soon but...) The beautiful prayers. The verses exchanged through text. The songs shared through Facebook. The closeness of a team. The rallying of support. The awareness of a community. The trust and reliance that He would not bring us to this point and leave us. So. Many. Lessons.

God is so good to us. (Deep Breath).... and tears.
This morning my message notification went off. When I looked at my phone it was a conversation from our mentor and friend Don and my husband. This is how it went.

Don: God is good.
Jason: All the time.
Don: All the time.

Immediately, my mind went back to a photograph from February 3 years ago. I don't remember anything from that moment which makes it weird that I would think on it. I am not even really sure who took the picture. I had just came out of a 5 1/2 hour surgery where my trachea was surgically separated and the diseased/scarred portion removed. The trachea was then reattached in a healthy area. I had, at some point, been taken from recovery to my room in the ICU and my family... and friends, Don and Donna Millican, who had flown all the way to Boston to be with us, were allowed in. I can't tell you about the moment or even how this came about. All I know is that I was completely unable to speak from the surgery so I was given a pad of paper and a pen. This is what I wrote.

 

 

This one image.. that I don't even remember writing... three years ago... brought me down to my knees this morning. What an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL moment. Why my mind would think of this one tiny moment in a million of others is crazy to me...  except for this. My God is powerful. I wasn't sure I would come home from Boston. I wasn't sure I would see my babies (then ages 6, 3, and 1) ever again. I hugged people knowing there was a possibility that things could go wrong. Yet, I remember the hundreds that were praying for me. The sweet friends that covered me in verses of comfort and praise. I remember the verses and prayers at my bedside before they took me to the OR. I remember having complete peace. And 3 years later.. I can take a deep breath.. I am here. I have been more blessed then I could ever have imagined.

 

I realized this morning when I received this message that this has been one of "those" moments. You know, the ones you don't even realize you're in until you can look back. The ones that were WAY heavy. The ones that even though you know you are surrounded by all these amazing people... it wasn't until you stepped out of it that you saw how TRULY amazing they are!

 

Our God works in huge ways through people. He is SO good to us. Yesterday I said to someone, "I know that God is going to take care of Night Light. I know, that no matter what the answer is today, if we are willing to walk through the doors He opens, He will open a door". But, oh, my heart was hurting as we walked into City Hall.  I felt so heavy. Then a pretty incredible thing happened... all of these people started showing up. People who didn't have to. People that had worked all day and I am sure would've liked to go home and rest, people who left work early, mommas that had to bring their kid(s) with them, momma's who had to find somewhere to take their kids. People showed up... and it was a big deal to me. I received messages and texts all week and as the time for our meeting approached they continued to come in. Our incredible friends (because they are way more then just a team) jumped in taking care of the one thing we were fighting for- our bridge family- and took all of our worries off of that. All of these people let God work through them..

 

Walking to the car after we had been told we were approved, I felt like I could finally breathe again. All of the pressure was gone. All of it. As we got to the bridge and word spread you could feel the relief of everyone. I have several nights under the bridge, that I claim as my "tops" and last night will be added to those. The love and joy was thick.. it just covered the place. Our God is so good and one of my most favorite things that he does to show us this- is that he gives us amazing people to travel with! So be inspired. Let him use you. Look for opportunities. This is one of the most amazing things our God does... and all of us are blessed when we allow God to use us or to use others in our lives.

 

Deep Breath~ God is so good to us.

 

Be Still.. Enjoying blessings amongst the crazy and busy!

It has been so long since I have blogged. Anymore it is so easy to quickly post on Facebook and share that way. But today, I want to remember. Really remember. The bridge has been a journey that has changed our entire family. The people I have came to know have changed me. The things I am able to witness and the conversations I am blessed to be apart of plant themselves deep inside me.. deep in my core.

In the midst of all of the crazy that Spring seems to bring.. and my natural obsessive desire to have everything in order and planned...when I am fighting to be flexible... but at the same time drowning in housework that needs to be done.. when I am up to my eyeballs in trying to finish this non-profit... when I am trying as hard as I can to be the mom and wife that is completely out of reach for even June Clever...when I feel like I have so much responsibility that it is insane... that's when He whispers (and sometimes has to whisper loudly- because I am very stubborn) BE STILL! be still. be still... look Sarah. listen. See what I am doing. Take a breath.. enjoy the beauty of what I have placed you to be apart of.

Here are just glimpses of the beauty and blessings I have been able to see recently...

My biggest fan, best encourager, my voice of reason, the love of my life... always right by my side.

(Love this guy!)

My Ben~ growing so fast! He is such a loving young man. I am so glad that we have had this last year homeschooling together.. even on the tough days. He teaches me daily about loving others.

 

 

My Mae~ Lizzie is smart and sassy. A beautiful little girl who is growing into a beautiful young lady. She is always thinking about others and will make a million art projects just for you!

 

 

 
 

 My Isaac~ full of passion. Always ready for a good laugh. His joy and orneriness spills over wherever he is. He is likely to yell "CHICKEN-BEEF" or "Chicken-pot-pie" at the most random times. He is the best snuggle bug.. when he isn't charging $5 to get one in. "Free love days" are the best!

The Bridge- The love and hope it brings.. All the friends that are now family because of it!

 

 

Paperwork.. this paperwork will one day allow us the ability to love in even bigger ways. It will be a goal met and a door opening. I am excited for what it will bring for our friends under the bridge, in the neighborhood, and in our community. ... And I never would have pictured myself filling out this type of paperwork.. Out of my comfort zone and so very blessed.

 

 

The completely selfless donations that keep me in constant prayer about my own walk.

 

The sweetest friend who notices that the wind is blowing the papers at the blessing table. These papers tell what essential we have to share each night... he picks out rocks, puts them in his backpack and brings them to help. Love him.

 

 

The amazing volunteers that come to help. Age doesn't matter~ nor does health. She has a brain tumor and her speech was limited. He asked that they be able to serve on the food line. He was by her side the whole time. She helped serve the dessert and did a wonderful job. As she left she did her best to verbalized "I was able to help". I don't know their name or their story but I was inspired by their love for each other and for others.

 

 

Precious volunteers who are also precious friends! They find their way to the babies in the food line. They let the momma take a break.. and the love they have for people just shines. You can see it a mile away.

 

 

Again.. precious friends.. who come to volunteer and bring their momma with them! She waited, unexpectedly, for God's specific call.. in a area outside of her comfort zone...for the exact time she was needed. Nichole isn't a hairdresser by trade. She was trained to cut her boys hair by a friend. I am sure neither of them realized at the time the impact that lesson would have. Knowing we would not have anyone to cut hair, she volunteered when I sent out a plea. I am not sure I would have that type of courage or confidence. I am not sure I would have moved when God nudged. But she did.. and oh man, did she and her momma bless so many people last night! The are a great encouragement.

 

 

This is my Ben and his buddies under the bridge. The boy in the first picture hasn't been out since the fall. He immediately recognized Ben and their friendship reconnected. Love it! The second picture is Daniel and Ben. These two are the sweetest of friends. LOVE that Ben has these friendships. They are so pure. The bridge has meant so much to me in what it has done for him.

 

Trash Bags! Yes, trash bags. Now multiply this picture by about 2 plus a few and then listen to the story....

 Jason (my Jason) went up and talked to all the people living in the cubbies at the top of our bridge last week. He talked to them about keeping the area clean so that the city (and others) doesn't think it is trash from our event and start causing issues for us. He gave each of the people bags and told them that if they will bag their trash and put it out for us on Thursday.. we will haul it off. We weren't sure if it would happen or not. When we got to the bridge on Thursday this is what we saw... both sides of the bridge were completely clean. They want a clean area. They want Night Light. They respect the relationship. They just needed an avenue. This week we left trash bags and they even asked for a broom and dustpan.. so we left them one. I was brought to tears.

One of the last things I want to remember that was a blessing last night. One of our friends that lives on the street came to a group of us standing at the front of the bridge. He said, "can we pray?" We said sure and he grabbed our hands. He jumped right in and said this.. "Lord, thank you for giving us a safe night. Thank you for Night Light and what they do. Keep them safe. In your name, Amen." He said thanks, grabbed his stuff, and was on his way. I am absolutely sure that we are entertaining angels each single week. I have learned about faith, hope, love, and perseverance under that bridge.

So my encouragement to anyone who might find themselves reading this blog is this... be still. Take a breath.. He is doing something in your life. If you don't see it, are you listening when he is nudging? Take time to listen.. Take time to see the blessing. He is surrounding you with blessings.. slow yourself and look for them.