Last Thursday I spent around 45 minutes under the bridge in an unexpected conversation with a prominent business owner. It wasn't a conversation that I enjoyed at all. In fact, it has pretty much bothered me from the moment it started that evening all the way up until... oh, yesterday. When I say "bothered" I mean it rattled me, broke my heart, challenged me, and made me soul search all week. It hasn't been a process that I have loved but none-the-less, sometimes a good evaluation is needed and necessary.
I had no idea what to expect from this gentleman as it was a quick "he's here to talk"/ "she's one of the co-founders" type of introductions. He showed up as we were ending orientation and starting to serve. This is the busiest part of the night for all of our team. His body language should have given him away. His tension and discomfort radiated but it wasn't a comfort zone he was looking to change. He quickly threw his cards on the table (which I can appreciate and thankfully I had taken a dose of "Be calm, Be kind" as I saw things unfolding). Of course, he maintained some political correctness to not put me on the defense... he didn't flat out say Night Light was his issue. It was something more along the lines of "I am here to learn why this is a growing problem in our city and what I can do to get rid of the problem." By "get rid of the problem" he was referring to what I call people, as he pointed to the line in which people were waiting for food and clothing. He was also quick to share that he and others are purchasing land and bulldozing areas and houses. When I spoke of the families living in these homes and the fact that they would be displaced he had no input. When we talked of lack of mental health, room in shelters, and affordable housing he had no comment and wasn't interested. He basically wants the problem moved away from his neighborhood. AKA... Not in my backyard. Then we got to the real issue,"those people". I took this to mean exactly what he meant. Those not like himself or any of his friends. He was frustrated that we were serving anyone.. housed or homeless, from that neighborhood or from another. He was frustrated that he had to look at or deal with "these people" day in and day out.... even though he put his place of work in a low income community near 3 shelters and a jail, in a neighborhood that was way worse before we rolled up.
Friends, this grips my heart and soul. First, I physically hurt for anyone that can spend 40+ minutes under that bridge and not find anything to connect with or be challenged by. I have replayed that conversation over and over. Even as I stood in that moment with him I knew arguing would do nothing. Until he is willing to take the wall down and have a conversation that is open to a relationship, with someone unlike himself, nothing will change. Nothing. Secondly, Jason and I both could palpate the inner battle he was having. Multiple times he stated, "I sound like a jerk", or "I am coming off like a jerk". I don't doubt for a single second that those feelings are not being stirred by something much bigger and more powerful. However, this man is not standing alone on some other planet. Recently someone from Tulsa wrote a comment on a news site that talked about "feeding the wild animals", another person wrote something to the effect of "feedings are a way that "Christians" get their warm fuzzy/ I feel good about myself feelings- they aren't really about helping." Whooo, I don't know about you but that last one... it has a bit of a sting to it.
The whirlwind months of May through September brought lots of reflection and evaluation. Deciding whether to walk away or stay committed, to stand or fold, to be known (for good or bad) or to shrink away- those were tough months. But here we are, and if we continue mobilizing and encouraging people to value each other and provide relief, then we will likely continue to encounter those on the other side of that. I don't want to give a cheap answer. I don't want anyone to confuse me for the "Christian" who does stuff so that I will feel good about myself. I am not the goal! This demands that I assess and be honest. Are we really helping the way that the community needs? Are we loving and relational, the way Christ asked us to be? What do those I have spent the last 2 years with say? What else needs to be done? What should be changed? I recently read Jen Hatmaker's (you know she's a fav) "For the Love". She has a complete chapter on Poverty Tourism. I have read it like a billion times. She talks about entering into another's culture/community in a humble way, ready to listen and learn and committed to the relationship. She also said this:
"Anytime the rich and poor combine, we should listen to whoever has the least power. Rich people are conditioned to assess the world through our privileges. The powerful tend to discredit or ignore the marginalized perspective because we can. We are shielded from the effects of a lopsided equation; we reap the benefits not the losses. We don't mean to do this (or even know we do), but we evaluate other communities through the lens of advantage assuming we know best and have the most to offer. In doing so we unintentionally elevate our perception." ..."Remember the poor are capable, smart, actual people, and treat them with the respect they deserve. Battle every patronizing, pitying thought that robs them of humanity." Seriously- go buy the book! It's such an easy read and this chapter is fantastic! The point is to listen, learn, and commit."
After reading, searching, praying, and some serious self reflection, the heavy has lifted. God has lovingly heaped some pretty big blessings on top this week- because that is what he tends to do! So often I allow myself to feel small. Unable to make a difference- Unable to say the right thing to a "prominent business man" under the bridge. It's rubbish! Just not true. .. yes, I used the word rubbish, lol. For the one business guy that came forward wanting to shove people in need out of his back yard.. we have had 3 other business' come forward to help. When I look at the people... I am blessed with relationship after relationship. I have met some of the most amazing people who will give an honest account for what helps and what doesn't. What the needs are and what they aren't. ... And then today the following email from a special education teacher came:
"One of my students and her family attended your event last night. She was so excited when she came to school to tell us all about her new clothes, new haircut and her dinner. She is typically very quiet and does not ever have anything exciting to discuss. Today was very different. She has smiled all day and tells everyone about her evening! This is a family that really benefited from the services you offer. I don't know how they heard about it but am so glad they did! Thank you for all you do and the lives you are impacting!"
If ever there was a moment that I wanted to call every donor, volunteer, haircutter, server, ALL of them... this would be it! If ever I was frustrated sorting hours and mountains of donations... this erased it. This is why it is important. This is why I embrace this part of my backyard... Tulsa. Define your backyard, listen, learn, and be used!
No comments:
Post a Comment